I’ve Packed My Patience But Please Stop Trying To Deplete It

Patience may be a virtue, but it is not infinite. I recall the response my mother gave to that quintessential neighbor who seemed to delight in testing my mother’s boundaries for less than noble reasons. My mother’s response was delivered with proportional grace and conviction: “I may have a plethora of patience, but it appears that your presence requires me to replenish it more often than I care to at the moment.” Let’s fast forward to 2026, and I have my signature response for those seeming to task themselves with ascertaining my patience threshold: “I can spare you the ancestral journey. I am not even remotely related to Job!” Granted, my version is a tad more terse and less poetic than my mother’s, but it gets the point across. For those who may not be familiar with the biblical reference to Job, Job is an archetype for the personification of patience despite epic hardship and suffering.

On a scale of 1-10, my level of patience is a solid 7.5, and if I am listening to upbeat Barry Manilow medleys (don’t judge!), it has peaked at 9. Perspective and context are everything, so I am not referring to everyday inevitable inconveniences like my train being late, not having the French cuff shirt in lilac (again, don’t judge), or not having the Madagascar vanilla flavoring to make homemade applesauce (now I really feel judged!). I’m referencing scenarios like having patience when you have repeatedly given someone the benefit of the doubt and ample time to course-correct, only to discover that they intentionally made minimal effort to fulfill their obligations and responsibilities and still somehow expected you to give them another chance because you’re a nice guy. Au contraire, mon frère.

I pride myself on being a good listener, never asking someone to do something without ensuring they understand the request and providing them with the correct tools to fulfill the request. I also understand that we have different strengths and challenges. What I find challenging is when someone provides the minimal amount of effort when they are more than capable of doing more, yet expects top results. Beyond the concepts of passive-aggressive behavior and silent quitting, I strive to lead by example and responsibly and civilly offer correction as needed. Not surprising to most, even the most professional and purposeful civility is not always received well. My general rule of thumb is that if I have taken the time to view the situation as objectively as possible and offered applicable and reasonable recommendations that are well within your capabilities, I am hopeful that you will at minimum consider my perspectives and acknowledge my efforts.

At this point, you may be asking yourself: what would I do if it strayed from the textbook version of the recipient acknowledging my empathy, thoughtfulness, and preparation to offer possible solutions to better address the situation? One, I could cast an incantation and the person immediately accepts my omniscience and transcends their wayward ways. Two, I could endure their fervent denial or feigned disbelief that this was the first time of it being brought to their attention. And then the most likely third scenario of my above-average level of patience being challenged beyond levels mere mortals would befall, and I painstakingly consider the viability of pursuing a compromise or finding reasonable closure for both parties. As of this writing, option one would be the path of least resistance, but then again, the moral compass of not using one’s gifts for personal gain always has to enter the picture. Damn that Charmed mantra creeping into my consciousness at the least convenient time!

So, overwhelmingly I implement route three and seek the best solution to address a less-than-ideal situation with the hope of an outcome where everyone feels they contributed to the resolution. This works more often than not, and thankfully we move forward. I’m guessing that you devilishly prefer to hear about the times it didn’t work. For good measure, I will give a personal example and then a professional one. Is this when I give this disclaimer to the reader: Do not try this at home??? Anyway, the personal one is always the most delicate and intricate because it transverses often longer-term, highly complicated, and sensitive terrains that can potentially echo not so favorably into the future despite being necessary. Without venturing into another several pages of background, as gently as possible I let the person know that I was retiring my cape as their personal ATM, hero, rescuer, and enabler and their unconditional VIP lifetime pass was no longer valid. The person thanked me for setting boundaries years later, but only after that person felt they had exhausted every conceivable narrative to woo me back into their net of enabling with no accountability.

The professional example was less stressful, as many of my colleagues were perplexed as to why I hadn't dismissed the passive-aggressive culprit earlier. Unlike personal scenarios, documentation and witnesses are a powerful arsenal when effectively addressing professional challenges and avoiding unwarranted retaliatory measures. After providing the person with multiple opportunities to take an active role in developing corrective measures, I provided a fair and clear timeline to achieve these changes and kept the person informed with exemplary transparency. The person remained only residually concerned and did not meet benchmarks that could have otherwise been achieved with reasonable effort. The person was let go with an opportunity to take part in an exit interview they declined in a not-too-surprisingly passive-aggressive demeanor that ultimately characterized their entire tenure.

Patience is a virtue, but not a perpetual source to be drawn from with reckless abandon. Whether you find yourself in a personal or professional situation as the provider or the recipient, try to remain mindful that patience is important in how it is given and how one utilizes it. I’ve packed my patience carefully and for an extended journey if needed, but please don’t bombard the luggage carrier.