When Being An Ally is Not Convenient or Glamorous

You may recall a time, not that long ago, in your town or a town close by, when it seemed less challenging to be a friend, supporter, ally, or advocate for the LGBTQ+ community. Whether it was a family member, colleague, friend, or neighbor, you offered your support with minimal thought, if any, to unfavorable reactions by others or having your support criticized. It increasingly feels like a profile in courage or drawing a definitive line in the sand that may result in doxing, loss of livelihood, or even physical threats to one’s safety. Allyship and advocacy, as with any aspect of life, experience variations, but lately, these fluctuations are akin to feast vs. famine.

Granted, being an ally should not be contingent on it being effortless or chic. It’s actually more significant and impactful when stepping out of your comfort zone provides support to others when needed most and clarifies where you are placing your energy and focus regardless of what is trending on social media.

Not all advocates and allies are resounding warriors. Some are those angelic listeners who become the muses you never knew you needed and now cherish forever, while others are unselfishly on-call day or night to assist and productively challenge you in ways that will never make it to the headlines but were pivotal in reaching milestones and spreading the word. In a world of soundbites, AI-enhanced images/text, and ultra-polished hyperbole, it is comforting and reassuring to know that there is authenticity and tenacity in supporting people and causes who are not aiming to be a media sensation or monetize every billable moment with the rationale, "we didn’t create the game but we have no choice but to take part." Character is what happens when the cameras are off and no one’s watching. Conversely, what if you hope the cameras aren’t running at all because you don’t want evidence or documentation of being present or having a role in participation or support?

Is there such a thing as a silent advocate or silent ally? I can still fathom a behind-the-scenes advocate or ally, but if one is silent in the literal and metaphorical sense, how effective can one be? Being an ally or an advocate may not always be weather-friendly, conveniently located, scheduled during your lunch break or downtime, or something you prefer not to discuss in social circles. Yes, advocacy and allyship are not homogenous, nor should they be, but expecting it to be at your complete convenience somehow undermines the premise of placing yourself in possibly uncomfortable positions to bring attention to issues historically ignored or that are being weaponized to compromise the dignity, rights, and humanity of others.

Hopefully, we all have allies and advocates in our lives and also serve as allies and advocates to others regardless of convenience and trends. Receiving support from others, especially during the most challenging times, is cherished and can make a major impact upon the recipients and rekindle the often-fleeting practice of spreading kindness and paying it forward. Each of us has our internal litmus test as to what motivates us to get involved and be part of something larger than ourselves. At some point, the narrative should be about how I can be a better advocate or ally, rather than why I should devote time to being an ally or advocate. The truest levels of support and advocacy are examples of transparency, pride, and acknowledgment that you are taking part in something that resonates with you and channels your passion.

It would be neglectful if I did not mention that we never forget or take for granted the advocates and allies who remained steadfast in their support for us—especially the souls who never ask or expect reciprocity. They are the omnipresent beings who are indefatigable and are solely motivated by doing what they know is the right thing to do and advance greater civility and understanding. If imitation is the highest form of flattery, we should all consider replicating that example in our lives. If we interchangeably serve as allies and advocates for each other, we are a formidable team.